


Rebuilding a Lifetime

by MyDarkestDesire



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:14:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23389357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyDarkestDesire/pseuds/MyDarkestDesire
Summary: After fighting the Monster for months Eliot is alive and so is Quentin. But neither one of them came back unharmed. How will they manage to readjust to life after so many bad things have happened to them. And where does that leave them. Eliot had promise to be brave but Quentin suffered so much at his hands. Can he even confess his love and if so is it already to late?
Relationships: Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh
Comments: 7
Kudos: 32





	1. Say Something

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any part of The Magicians.
> 
> This fic will be dark and hard to read at times due to the graphic and triggering nature. Please read with caution.
> 
> And Enjoy!

Eliot

Pain. All he could focus on was the intense burning pain that was focused in his abdomen and radiating out through the rest of his body. He tried to open his eyes but was unable to do so. There was a frantic beeping and he heard the desperate and pained moan of someone. Why was no one helping them? Someone grabbed his right hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

“El, sweetheart,” Margo said, her voice wavering slightly as she spoke. “Hang in there. Lipson is coming to give you more Morphine. You know that thing you love? Just a few more minutes.” Her thumb brushed slowly back and forth across the top of his hand, cutting a cool line through the burning pain that was consuming his body. Eliot wasn’t sure how long it took but eventually he heard the sound of a door opening followed by hurried footsteps. Then a new kind of burning filled his veins. The slow and warm numbing burn of the morphine coursing through his veins and pushing him back into the abyss. 

. . . . . . . . . . . . 

Life became brief periods of pain followed by long patches of warm darkness. Over time the pain wasn't as sharp and he found that he could hold on a little bit longer each time before he would slip back into the abyss. During that time he was able to catch the sound of voices and conversations.

. . . . . . . . . . . . 

“I’ve never seen him this bad Margo. I’m just not sure if there is anything we can do but wait.” Julia said.

. . . . . . . . . . . . 

“Hey Margo,” he heard Penny say. “Just stopping to see if you need anything before I go back on watch.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . 

“I can’t watch this anymore!” Kady exclaimed, pulling Eliot closer to the surface than he had been before. “It’s like watching a scared animal. No one can even get close enough to touch him.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . 

“I’ve been doing a lot of research but I still can’t find any reason why he should be acting like this. I mean there isn’t much information on the mirror world, but Zelda is giving me everything that the library has. It just doesn’t make any sense. His behavior is matching that of an abuse victim. Did we miss something?” He heard Alice pacing back and forth as she talked, her short heels clicking on the floor. 

. . . . . . . . . . . . 

Eliot waited patiently as his morphine clouded brain tried to piece together the information he had learned from the conversations. There was only one voice that he yearned to hear and yet had not. Pieces of what he had heard drifted through his mind. “I’ve never seen him this bad”, “It’s like watching a scared animal. No one can even get close enough to touch him.”, “It just doesn’t make any sense.”, “....abuse victim.” They couldn’t be talking about him, Eliot hadn’t even been able to wake up yet. Were they talking about Quentin? His Q? He needed to wake up but was soon pulled back under by the soft fuzzy morphine sleep. 

. . . . . . . . . . . . 

Eliot started to climb out of the abyss again. It got easier each time and yet he still had not gathered the strength to open his eyes or move his exhausted body. He lay there listening to the steady sound of the monitor's beep. His body hurt, especially his abdomen, and his head was pounding. So he decided to lay there and not try to open his eyes or move his body, at least not until he had adjusted to the pain that he was in. Then there was the sound of the door opening.

“Hey. I thought you could use some coffee.” Julia whispered into the room. There was the sound of shuffling and a chair sliding across the floor as she came in and sat down. 

“Thanks.” Margo said. Her voice sounded tired, worse than Eliot had ever heard it and that included after a three day long orgy. “How’s our nerd doing?”

“Nothing has changed. I wish there was some way to get through to him. How about here? He still hasn’t woken up yet?” Julia inquired.

“No. You know how El has to have his beauty sleep. I just wish he would hurry the fuck up. I...we could really use him right about now.” Margo said. Eliot could almost have swore he heard a sniffle but Margo didn’t cry. Not his Bambi. She was the baddest bitch he knew and she wouldn’t show weakness like that. He had to wake up. If she was crying then things had to be bad. He struggled with all his strength to get his eyes to open or move his hand. Anything to let her know that he was there. But he remained motionless, trapped in his mind, and weighed down by the drugs. 

“It will be okay Margo. I’m sure he will be awake and back to his spectacular self in no time.” The girls giggled slightly then sighed.

“Julia. What am I going to tell El when he wakes up?....” Eliot drifted back into the darkness. 

. . . . . . . . . . . . 

The darkness started to retreat again but it seemed different this time. Eliot’s body didn’t feel as heavy as it normally had and the pain was more manageable. Carefully he started to open his eyes. The light was too bright and it stung his eyes. A low groan escaped his throat and he turned his head to the side to try to escape the light. 

“El, El can you hear me? Please tell me that you are finally waking up.” Margo said as she grabbed Eliot's hand and squeezed. 

“Margo.” Eliot gasped but it came out as a cracked whine. Margo got up and went over to the little table to grab the clear plastic cup of water with a straw which she promptly cooled with a quick tut. Eliot tried to sit up but didn’t have the strength to even lift his head. Margo pushed a button on the side of the bed that raised the head of the bed up to a height where he could safely sip the water from the cup. After a few shallow gulps Eliot cleared his throat and tried again. “Margo. Turn down the sun, it hurts my eyes.”

“I missed you too Eliot.” Margo giggled and went over to turn down the lights to a more manageable level for someone who had just woken from a Morphine induced coma.

“ How long was I out?” He asked.

“You had surgery eight days ago. They weren’t able to use magic on your wound. There is something that is stopping them.” Margo said. “I’m sorry, El. I had to stab you with the ax to get that thing out of you. There was no other way.” Margo sat on the chair next to Eliot's bed and leaned forward to wrap herself around his arm. He could feel her shaking. Eliot looked down at the crying form of his best friend and platonic soulmate. 

Eliot smiled over at Margo and said “It’s okay Bambi. It’s just a scratch.” Margo looked up at Eliot, a small smile formed on her lips, and she hit Eliot playfully on the shoulder. 

"You're welcome for saving your life," she said through her tears.

"Where is everyone else?" Eliot asked. He was afraid to hear the answer. Where was Quentin?

Margo stiffened at Eliot's question. The monitors betrayed him, broadcasting that his heart had started racing. Margo looked Eliot in the eyes and with a sad smile said, "El, why don't we just focus on getting you better and then we can worry about everyone else." 

"Margo. Where is Q?" Eliot asked.


	2. What did I do?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quentin makes it back but is he going to be alright?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own The Magicians or the Characters. Thank You to everyone who has been reading!

Quentin

Quentin had not necessarily wanted to die. When he went to the seam with Penny and Alice his intentions had been to throw the Monster and his Sister into the seem and get the fuck out of there so he could go see that Elliot was alive and himself. Then Everrett had showed up and ruined that plan. The perfect opportunity had presented itself. He went over the plan in his head so that Penny could see what he was planning and then he told him to take Alice. It was just a minor mending spell done in the Mirror world. Everrett lunged towards the mirror and Penny grabbed Quentin and Alice and traveled. By some miracle they all ended up standing right in front of the mirror that they had entered through. Penny quickly explained to Alice that before they entered the Mirror world Penny had placed a locator sigil on the Mirror in case they got lost he would be able to use it to know where to travel to since traveling technically wasn’t Magic. He wasn’t sure if it would work but he was glad that it had.   
He was alive. Quentin was alive and he couldn’t believe it. Ten seconds ago he had been prepared to die. He knew he was going to die. In his mind there was no possible way for him to make it out of that room alive. And he was disappointed? “Did I do something brave to save my friends or did I finally find a way to kill myself? And why am I so disappointed to be alive?” Quentin thought to himself. It was all too much to take in. After everything that had been going on for the past several months this was the thing that finally broke him.   
Quentin crumpled to the floor where they stood and started shaking. It was hard to breathe and the world felt off balance. The sounds of the voices around him started to sound muffled like he was underwater and his vision started to blur. This couldn’t be happening. He was still alive. Why was he still alive? And he had to get out of here. They were still in the mirror world and Quentin had to get out of there now. He started screaming “Get me out” as loud as he could. There was an intense ringing that had started in his ears, making him reach up to cover them with little relief. Two sets of hands grabbed him by the arms and started pulling him. He couldn’t tell where they were going because his eyes were screwed shut.   
Alice and Penny stumbled through the mirror with Quentin between them, falling into a pile on the floor of the familiar Brakebills classroom. Quentin sat up and pulled his knees to his chesk, rocking back and forth with his face buried in his knees. Alice and Penny stood up slowly, looking at their friend sitting on the floor. Alice started to step forward and reach toward Quentin.  
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Penny said, reaching out to place his hand on Alice’s shoulder.  
“”What would you know? This isn’t even YOUR Quentin,” Alice said, he voice dripping with malice as she shrugged Penny’s hand off her shoulder and reached for Quentin.   
“I’ll go get Julia...and a doctor.” Penny said and was gone.   
Alice placed her hand on Quentin’s shoulder. It was something that she had done so many times throughout their relationship, whatever it was. Sometimes he would flinch back but after realizing it was her he would usually settle and let her talk to him, comfort him. Usually she could get him to at least respond enough to move to a better location. This time was different. As soon as Alice made contact with Quentins shoulder he started screaming. It was an ear splitting scream filled with anguish and fear. Alice remembered hearing a similar sound as a Niffin as she had tortured the lamprey and other creatures. It was the sound of danger and a desperate cry for help.  
The sound of footsteps filled the hall outside of the room as people nearby ran to see what was going on. Alice stepped back from Quentin and towards the door to hold back the people who were rushing into the room.   
“Stay back!” Alice commanded. “Don’t touch him! We need to find a Doctor.”   
Penny popped back into the room with Julia and a healing student as Alice started pushing people back out of the room.   
“What happened?” Julia yelled as she stepped toward Quentin. Penny grabbed her arm before she could reach out and touch him and simply shook his head. Julia frowned and stepped around in front of Quentin and kneeled down so she was on his level. Then she tried to talk to him over the sound of his screaming. “Hey Q. It’s me Julia. I’m here. Can we stop screaming now. No one is going to hurt you.”  
There was no noticeable response from Quentin. He seemed to either not hear or not be listening. He continued screaming as loud as he could, still rocking back forth, his voice starting to become hoarse the more he screamed. The healing student looked at Quentin and Julia and then making a few quick tuts, walked up and put her hand on Quentin’s head. The effect happened immediately. The screaming stopped and Quentin went limp, dropping onto the floor. She looked to Penny, Julia, and Alice and smiled. “I am sorry I had to magically tranquilize your friend. I felt it was best for all of us. Now if you wouldn’t mind I could use some help getting him to the medical ward.” with that said she turned towards the door and made her way through the gathered crowd and out of sight. 

. . . . . . . . . . . . 

“Physically I cannot find any reason for Quentin’s current behavior,” Dr. Lipson said to Julia who was sitting in the chair by his hospital bed in the infirmary. “There are some issues that need to be addressed regarding his physical health such as his dehydration, malnutrition, and obvious physical strain that has been put on his body. But there are no pressing issues there. And I can not find any trace of residue or curse. I believe that what is happening in psychological.”  
"But he was screaming like someone was killing him!" Julia responded, her voice wavering slightly. "He has gotten bad before and I know we have all been through hell lately with the monster and shit but I have never seen him respond like that." A small sob escaped as Julia covered her face with her hands. Had he been hurting that bad and she not seen it? She knew he had been spiralling. She knew the moment the monster had put its hands around his throat and he didn't back down. But she thought she would have time to talk him through it after they got Eliot back.   
"I am going to recommend that we keep him sedated over night and push fluids. In the morning we can transport him back to the physical cottage so he is close by but also somewhere familiar. I will reach out to some of my colleagues to see if I can get a Magician therapist out here to try to speak to him. If we don't see improvement over the next few weeks we may have to talk about long term care options."  
“He can’t go back to a psych facility. Not after what me and Marina did to him.” Julia choked out.  
“Yes. I do remember that. Well let's hope that it doesn’t come to that,” Lipson said and left the room.  
Julia leaned forward and grabbed Quentin’s motionless hand. “It’s okay Q,” she said. “We will figure out.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . 

Quentin woke the next day in his room in the physical kids cottage. A small part of his brain knew exactly where he was and what was going on. That same small part knew that he was alive and he was safe. Every other part of his brain had shut down and was replaced with fear. Over and over his mind played memories of the past months. Blackspire, Alice, and keys; His life as Brian with the tickle that was always in the back of his mind that something wasn’t right. And he remembered the Monster. He remembered everything that it had made him do and every time it had touched him using the body of the man he loved.  
He heard noise coming from outside of his room. There was someone coming. He had to hide. He had to stay safe. Frantically he glanced around the room. There was a door next to the one that was slightly cracked, leaving a glimpse of the halway. The closet. Quentin fell to the ground as he crawled out of the be and over to the closet door. He opened it up and crawled back into the corner not paying attention to the shoes and other items that he was crawling over. Once he was tucked as far into the corner as he could go, he pulled his knees up to his chin and hid his face. He had to hide. He was going to hurt him. He was going to hurt him with Eliot’s body. And if he didn’t let him, he would hurt Eliot’s body and they would never get him back. But he couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t move. He had to stay safe.   
Kady walked into the room and let out a gasp when she saw the empty bed. “Quentin?” she asked quietly, slowly stepping into the room and looking around. As she turned to leave the room she noticed that the door to the closet was open. She walked over and looked inside and seeing Quentin huddled in the corner she knelt down and looked at him. “Hey Quentin.” she said. “Why are you in the closet? Julia wanted me to check and see if you were awake and hungry. She’s been pretty deep into some research lately. Do you want to come out and get something to eat?”  
Quentin started to slowly rock back and forth. Kady could hear soft whimper like sounds coming from him and the occasional incoherent muttering to himself. She stood up and walked over to the doorway to the hall. “Julia, you might want to come here!” She yelled out the door, hoping that Julia would be able to hear her. Soon she heard the sound of hurried footsteps as Julia made her way to the room.  
“What’s wrong? Is he awake? Is he hurt? Did something happen?” Julia said, continuing with question after question and not allowing Kady any time to answer. She looked further into the room and saw that the bed was empty. Pushing past Kady Julia yelled “Where’s Q?”  
Kady grabbed Julia by the arm, “Be quiet will you. Are you trying to scare the whole house? He’s in the closet and I think somethings wrong.”  
Julia went over to the closet and like Kady tried to gently coax Quentin out of the closet but no matter what she said he stayed in the same position whimpering and muttering. Then Julia reached out toward him. As soon as Quentin saw her reaching for him he curled up tighter and started sobbing hysterically and saying “No, no, no, no, no,” over and over again. Julia continued to reach out and touched his arm that was wrapped around his legs. Quentin jerked his arm away from her touch and covered his head with his hands, twisting his fingers into his hair and pulling.  
Kady walked up next to Julia and placed her hand on her shoulder. Julia turned her attention up toward Kady. “Maybe we should just leave him alone for now?” Kady asked. Julia looked back over and Quentin before nodding her head and leaving the room with Kady.

. . . . . . . . . . . . 

Over the next weeks a routine was established. Julia, Alice, Penny, and Kady took different shifts watching over Quentin. Once a day a healing student would come by and they would put Quentin to sleep so that he could be moved out of the closet, bathed, and hooked up to fluids and a feeding tube. After receiving enough fluids and nutrients for the day they would wait for him to wake back up. And every time he woke up he crawled back into the corner of the closet. Quentin still had not talked to anyone but he now would allow them to touch his knee and arm. On the third day they had realized that when left alone he would uncurl from his usual fetal position and stretch out inside the floor of the closet. Julia had gone downstairs to get lunch and when she came back up to his room, Quentin was stretched out on his side, asleep in the closet. After that they left pillows and blankets in the closet to try to make him more comfortable.   
Lipson was having trouble finding someone to come try to talk to Quentin. Julia refused to put him in long term care until someone did.so this was their new normal. When they weren't with Quentin they took turns checking on Eliot and Margo, waiting to see if Eliot would wake up. Then one morning the news came that he had finally woken during the night.


End file.
